the contenders

egiface

There has been much discussion about whether the reigning champion can, yet once again, cheat his way to success. This heavyweight NHL Suxes Cup 2012 contender, (l)arge and agile like a SCUD-missile, is one of the favorites for gaining ownership of this highly regarded trophy. With the hand-eye-coordination of a Greek masseuse working at the Blue Oyster and the cheating aptitude of a gipsy, Egiface might well gain back-to-back victories in this extensively treasured competition.

LOfatSO

The previous event ended disappointingly with watery eyes as Egiface cheated his way to the trophy, running away with the victory in the final like a facerapist from the crime scene. This year looks promising for this academic hotshot, gifted with an ability to make split second decisions and analyzing the surroundings with supersonic speed, as he, together with his blue-and-yellow companionship, is widely expected to melt the hearts and speak right to the souls of the hockey fans all over the world.

Some say, though, that he might have deked himself through the 5hole by relying his presence in the Quest for The Cup on a team presumably under Swedish regime. Time will tell whether this hockey strategist have outbrained his competition, or if he lawyered himself into the loser’s lounge, yet again.

nipashow

This former hockey, in his own words, talent faced a career low last time around and is determined to surprise the analysts, bookkeepers and the spectating audits by avoiding the faith that seems laid up in front of him.

With his battle songs prepared nipashow strives to outmuscle his opponents and, guided by captain Koivu, and reach the sparkling lights of success (read: suxes).  Playing with a straightforward and keep-it-simple kind of mindset this gazelle-like gentle giant might very well be one of the surprises of this glorified event. Nipashow, lead the way – and the hockey loving population of your native Raisio will follow.

kaikka


The whinemachine’s, a 2012 newcomer to the Suxes Cup, right to participate in the tournament as the skill level is severely out-of-date, updated only in -94 (prior to Jukka Tammi’s, a Finnish goalkeeping talisman, famous air guitar celebration), and is not considered adequate to today’s competitive skill level.
With his skeleton-like figure and quick feet, kaikka might very well arise from nowhere into the title race, given that he is given the green light to participate in the event.

mafoVL

Seeing his beloved Canadiens de Montréal being grabbed away from him right under his nose has left him standing barefooted in the trenches, filled with desire for revenge and ravenous disappointment. This Italian stallion needs to control his boiling blood, fix his David Seaman-like enchanting appearance and rigidly face the opponents. MafoVL must alter his mafia-like approach, bust the dirt of his shoulder and step out of the shadows that was heaved upon him last time around.  The trophy, the fame and the prosperity brought with it is there – the sheriff of the night only has to reach out and grab it!

vazzurri

The “Top Gun mentality” is by many considered to be a far-from-reality concept, but seems to be ever-present in the life of this flamboyant talent - having competed suxesfully for several years on the highest of levels in various pastures he certainly has what it takes to be #1. Vazzurris unpredictability and aptitude to attack from the left, combined with an astonishing creavision, is widely considered to be one of the serious title contenders.

Some pundits claim that he might trip in his own agility, particularly if the challenger closes down the left flank – which is seen as a lifeline for the vazzurrian creavision. All on all, the future seems bright for this talented young hotshot and the gateway to heaven is open in front of him. Vazzurri has the potential to reach the stars if he remains on the current track – wave at us down here when you get there, will you?

donJeGO

The Boston faithful needs to fire up the Benz, and let the V6 roar him away on The Quest. The head of the notorious Masku Mafia will have to replace the cards he is dealing out with good old-fashioned hockey hits and to grow a couple of inches to really compete with the other contenders.

He is reportedly set to change his gray and shady surroundings of the underworld to the blinding lights, publicity and eternal glory that only can be won inside the Suxes hockey rink. The sky is the limit for this B-gater from Masku with a merited arrogance and a stone cold poker face – go and get them bruin!

strandes

The tech-savvy beast from the east stole mafoVL’s adored Canadiens, and several pundits claim that he will be thrown behind bars by the sheriff of the night facing serious consequences. The gentle giant mafoVL is expected to grip strandes in a bear hug and rip his (f*cking) head off. Though, strandes unbeaten track record of beating the odds – enjoying a 15year lossless gambling spree combined with his ability to disappear, leaving him space and room to practice in silence, - he might very well ride into the glorious highest spot on the podium as a knight in shining armor on his Trojan horse.

huotila

This extroverted media puppy is set to rub Aladdin’s lamp in order to find the kryptonite needed to diminish the blurring effect of oblique eyewear. This ever-present title contender, blessed with tremendous vision and eye for the game, has to make the most of his mood swings, which is both his strength and his weakness.

Being the son of Markku, an old-time Finnish media legend, vänrikki has certainly had his share of the spotlight. The media frenzy in his past has provided him with nerves of steel and shoulders of a giant. He is still undoubtedly in the limelight of success – the only thing left to do is to deliver. 

cruffles

This high school sweetheart kind-of-player is the second newcomer to the international arena of Suxes Cup. Although, in his own mind, alredy being an established Premier League defender, he now needs to adapt his game to match the high skill level of the Cup. Having left his skill level at a       -94level, just passing the bar even then, he needs to make some radical changes in his playbook to become a serious contender for the title race.

Although the Kühlschrank recently gained international experience and now strives to tackle the competition with a unique jam-approach, might well find the backdoor to success and play for the highest of prices – the Suxes Cup 2012.